I’m amused by a report from Washington state.
A full load of contraband came into the Chelan County Regional Justice Center on Wednesday night, leaving law enforcement officers amazed.
Coming in rectally — via one person — were a green cigarette lighter, cigarette rolling papers, a golf-ball size baggie of tobacco, a bottle of tattoo ink, eight tattoo needles, a one-inch-long smoking pipe and a small baggie of suspected marijuana, said Sgt. John Kruse, a Wenatchee Police Department spokesman.
“We were all wondering, ‘How do you put all that up there?’ ” Kruse said. “The tobacco was pretty impressive; it was a good ounce.”
Gavin Stanger, 24, of East Wenatchee, was booked into jail about 10 p.m. on a misdemeanor charge of disorderly conduct, said Phil Stanley, jail administrator. The inmate had arranged to serve three days in jail on the charge.
He said no contraband was found on a pat-down search or on a later strip search. About 90 minutes later, with Stanger in a single holding jail, a jailer found a plastic bag and duct tape floating in the cell’s toilet. After being questioned by jailers, the man surrendered the contraband.
There’s more at the link.
Well . . . speaking as a former prison chaplain, who knows what goes on behind bars, at least he didn’t have to worry much about prison rape. The first guy who tried it would have got eight needles in his unmentionable – not to mention a permanent dye job!
It reminds me of an incident at a Federal prison a few years ago, where an inmate had been found with an amazing inventory of contraband stuffed up his tochus. Over coffee with a few of the correctional officers, criminals’ slang to describe such activities came up for discussion. One of the officers asked me, “Chaplain, you’re a literary guy; what would be a more polite word to describe someone like that?” I simply couldn’t resist the temptation. My answer was, of course, inspired by T. S. Eliot – “Well, he’s a criminal, and describes himself as a ‘cool cat’; so we’ll have to call him Mac-Cavity!”
Peter
Groan! Did they hit you?