I’m still enjoying the Twelve Days of Christmas, although not many Americans seem to celebrate the feast for the full period. I found two posts on other blogs that had me cackling into my tea today, and I wanted to share them with you.
The first is from John Scalzi – “How You Know It’s Not Santa”. A few guidelines:
- His beard smells like your Uncle Dave’s glaucoma medicine.
- His elves have prison tattoos.
- He asks if you’d like to try some of his Prancer jerky.
- He describes the Baby Jesus as “the competition.”
- He burps in your face and calls it a “jingle belch.”
- Instead of saying “Merry Christmas” he shouts “Happy Life Day” and then screams like a Wookiee.
There are lots more at the link. Enjoy!
The second is a discussion about Christmas between Ken (39) and his three kids (7, 5 and 2 respectively). A snippet:
EVAN: How did Jesus get rid of the dinosaurs?
ME: . . . I beg your pardon?
EVAN [impatient]: How did JESUS get rid of the DINOSAURS?
ABBY: Yeah!
ELAINA: ‘SAURS!
ME: What do you mean, get rid of the dinosaurs?
EVAN: Weren’t there dinosaurs around once?
ME: Yes . . .
EVAN: And didn’t they used to eat people until Jesus came, and then Jesus came and got rid of them?
ABBY: YEAH!
ME: [stunned silence]
EVAN: . . . or something like that?
ME: No, son. The dinosaurs were gone long before Jesus.
EVAN: I thought Jesus got rid of the dinosaurs.
ME: You’re thinking of the moneychangers, and the people who sold doves.
EVAN: [openly incredulous] Doves?
ME: Never mind. Daddy was joking.
EVAN: Jesus didn’t save us? I thought Jesus saved us.
ELAINA: SAVE!
ME: NOT. FROM. DINOSAURS!
EVAN: What did Jesus save us from?
ME: Sin.
[dead silence]
ABBY: And that’s why Santa brings us presents?
(Pauses to let helpless giggles subside . . . )
I love kids. They can tie up a preacher in theological knots so fast you wouldn’t believe it if you weren’t there to hear it! More of their discussion at the link.
Peter