A gloriously tongue-in-cheek spoof of ‘Star Wars’

Milo Yiannopoulos brings his irrepressible snark to bear on the forthcoming ‘Star Wars’ movie in one of the best fiskings I’ve seen in years.  Here’s an excerpt.

With Star Wars, liberal Hollywood got it all wrong. They get everything wrong, of course, but this movie franchise really takes the biscuit. They turned the heroes into villains, and the villains into shining beacons of virtue. With a new film on the horizon, I feel duty-bound to warn you about the desperate shortcomings of this particular entertainment phenomenon.

If we’re honest with ourselves, the real wretched hive of scum and villainy is Skywalker Ranch, where George Lucas and his band of morally dissolute bastards created the Star Wars universe, a blight on western civilisation and culture.

Star Wars combines elements from pulp adventure stories, horse operas, adds a dash of Eastern culture, and tosses it all into outer space. Amazingly, Lucas took the worst elements of all those amazing sources. If Lucas were a cook and presented Star Wars to Gordon Ramsay, he would have earned a comment like this: “OH COME ON, IT’S RAW! WHERE’S THE SAUCE???? COME HERE, ALL OF YOU. TASTE THIS!” And then he would have been thrown out of the kitchen.

. . .


Jabba the Hutt is treated as this huge villain in Return of the Jedi, but this is simply unwarranted. Jabba is a responsible employer, entrepreneur, and philanthropist. He is a capitalist hero. In the case of Han Solo, he took reasonable steps to recover a debt from a known intergalactic criminal. His agent Greedo was acting within the law when he was shot down by the notorious outlaw Solo. Lucas had to edit in special effects to cover this accidental glimpse of the truth, by showing Greedo shooting first.

Jabba the Hutt was actually pretty progressive. He ran a melting-pot society with criminals of every race, colour, and creed working together in harmony. He even employed the differently abled, like the Rancor monster. He personally financed entertainment for the downtrodden masses of Tatooine; imagine the trouble they’d get into without pod races to watch. In fact, I believe America’s rash of midnight basketball programs were based directly on Jabba’s pioneering work in the field.

Jabba disposed of his waste in an extremely eco-friendly manner, feeding enemies to the Sarlaac beast he kept as a pet. Human bodies digested over 1,000 years are way better for the environment than straight burials. The fact is Jabba would fit right in at Burning Man. He’d have his sand barge — destroyed by the terrorists, of course — and would hang out with Elon Musk and maybe sign a few multimillion dollar deals.

Jabba the Hutt, or as I call him Jabba the Hero, was brutally murdered by a white woman. Why don’t I see a single #GreenLivesMatter protest? Jabba’s main crime as far as I can tell was being an invertebrate of size. Leia brutally slugshamed him. No doubt if he had survived his throttling he would have had PTSD and would have started a Tumblr, except being an entrepreneur he’s not a whining loser so maybe not.

Speaking of Leia, a straight white princess murdering a minority businessman with no repercussions is the ultimate example of white privilege.

There’s much more at the link.  It’s magnificent!  Highly recommended reading.

As Vox Day says of Milo:

Milo is a master, no, he is THE master of social media PR. This is perhaps the most epic large-scale trolling in the history of social media. You can’t imitate him. Unlike Mike, you can’t even learn anything from him; it would be like trying to take lifestyle advice from an exploding supernova or trying to pick up a few composition tips from Mozart.

Sorry, make that Wagner. As we are reliably informed, Mozart, too, is garbage.

Sometimes, all you can do is sit back and admire the incandescent artistry.

What can one do but agree?


1 comment

  1. "Sorry, make that Wagner. As we are reliably informed, Mozart, too, is garbage."

    But, but, Wagner was a racist antisemtic. 😉 (says the feline listening to The Flying Dutchman.)

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