A hot pursuit with . . . ranch dressing???


I’d love to know the story behind this report from Kansas.

The Shawnee County Sheriff’s Office said a teen was taken into custody early Saturday morning following an incident at the Petro Deli, north of Topeka.

Deputies responded to Petrol Deli around 3:30 a.m. When they arrived, they found a 17-year-old naked and under the influence.

According to the official report, the teen covered himself in ranch dressing, damaged property inside the business, jumped into a running vehicle and crashed it into a pillar.

There’s more at the link.

Er . . . ah . . . why the ranch dressing?  What in this addled adolescent’s brain could have suggested to him that drenching himself in salad dressing would improve his chances of escape?  And what did it to the inside of the vehicle he stole?

Your suggestions in Comments, please!



  1. Ranch is a lower carb, healthier alternative to the sugar(high fructose) loaded dressings like 1K island and Russian.

    Which when you are tripping balls and running from the cops/giant plaid dragonflies is an important consideration.

  2. It's slippery: The cops can't exactly shoot him, or even taser him, because he, well, clearly isn't carrying a a weapon beyond one that is obviously on display and is not activated. They'd have to subdue him by wrestling him to the ground and a greased opponent is difficult.

    When the gets weird, the weird turn pro.

  3. I doubt he’ll be charged with indecency as he can make a credible argument that he was in fact “dressed” at the time, albeit in Ranch…

  4. ChrisJ, that's a great point! Maybe he could have grabbed a lettuce leaf or two to complete the picture. 🙂

    My thought was that he was trying to disguise himself. Or maybe he thought the smell of the dressing would throw off the bloodhounds.

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