A modest proposal to deal with the illegal alien invasion

It seems the USA is on track to be invaded by one and a half million illegal aliens in 2019.  What’s more, it’s reported that 92% of illegal aliens fail to appear at their deportation hearings when the time comes.  How does one deal with such massive, wilful lawlessness?

I think there may be a way.  I agree that we need far stronger border control measures, including a wall and other security features;  but I think we could make much better use of funds to deal with the illegal aliens already here.  Why not make it irresistibly profitable for others to turn them in?

It would work something like this.  Any US resident (legal or otherwise) who reports the presence of a genuinely illegal alien (i.e. one who’s arrived illegally, or skipped hearings, or ignored deportation orders) to the relevant authorities, following which that illegal alien is deported, will receive $500 in cash, tax-free, no questions asked, as soon as the deportation is complete.  Any US resident reporting the presence of ten illegal aliens who are subsequently deported would receive a bonus of $5,000, over and above the $500 apiece he/she has already earned by reporting them individually.  If he/she reports fifty illegal aliens, they’ll receive an additional bonus of $50,000, over and above all previous payments.  All bonuses would also be tax-free.  Minimal paperwork, no complications, no problem.

(In order to deter misuse of the system, provisions could be built in that if an alleged illegal alien is reported who turns out to be not illegal for whatever reason, the reporting agent could be held legally accountable for that.  I’m sure some way could be figured out to prevent fraud.)

I think that offer would attract an awful lot of attention.  Furthermore, on a cost-per-alien basis, I think it might be far cheaper than paying agents to investigate, track down and locate illegals.  We might even save money on our internal security budget.  What’s not to like?  It’s short, sweet and simple.  We could even make those who employ illegal aliens pay most of the costs involved.  Any company or employer who hires an illegal alien who’s arrested under this system would be fined enough to pay all related expenses, from the reward money, through incarceration and processing, to the deportation flight back home.  That should be a very active deterrent to hiring illegal alien labor.

What say you, readers?  Please feel free to offer refinements and suggestions of your own.



  1. Phew, that's a far cry from what may be inferred from you starting out with the same title as did Jonathon Swift.

  2. It sounds very practical and probably would be effective, if a consensus of Evils and Stupids could be found to enact it…. but I'm not happy with professionalizing snitchery, even for the best of causes.

  3. Judy has a point, Peter.

    Illegal immigration hits close to home for me. My wife was an illegal when we met. She earned her green card in a brutal fashion- marrying me. But, joking aside, I have a brother-in-law, his entire family, and a bunch of friends, good people all, who are illegals…

    There IS one cheap, effective solution, and the fact that it is not being employed tells me that no one in power actually wants to curb illegal immigration.

    Illegals don't take jobs from citizens. Citizens give jobs to illegals to cheat on taxes and save money on labor costs. It's understandable that a person with no good options comes here to do shit work for shit pay. What is truly immoral is that there is no shortage of cheats and scum, citizens every single one, willing to hire them.

    Crack down on citizens who employ illegal immigrants. Yes, absolutely impose a whistleblower's award for pointing companies out. But it's easier and more humane to make it impossible for illegals to find work than to try to hunt down a couple of million people who have made it their business to be under the radar. Business owners can't hunker down and can't hide illegal labor without facing ICE or the IRS IF ANYONE EVER BOTHERED TO LOOK.

    I can tell you that landscaping, restaurants, roofers, nannies, housecleaners, farm labor and manufacturing will get more expensive. I believe that imposing ruinous fines coupled with mandatory hours of public service 1:1 per violation per man hour for lawbreakers will solve the problem quickly, AND PAY FOR ITSELF.

  4. Paul is correct if there is no economic advantage for either party illegal immigration would slow to a trickle.

    I have a friend from the former Soviet Union. When her husband discovered she had the wrong type of visa and it had expired due to misinformation by the State Department, they spent 5 years and thousands of dollars to get her a green card and citizenship.

  5. +1 for Paul's answer. If there were no jobs, there would be little or no economic reason to stay.

    I'm thinking $5k per illegal employed for a first offense. $50k each for the second time an employer was caught. Up from there. The fines have to be punitive and high enough that there is no economic advantage to taking the risk.

  6. Both of them have the answer. Here it is:

    You have to make the risk for both greater than the benefit. So, what you do is a $10,000 tax to every employer for each and every illegal employee caught in their employ. A defense to this is if the employer could show that he did not knowingly employ illegals, or did not take reasonable steps to ensure they were legal. (Say, they presented him with forged documentation.)

    Since this is a tax, it is just as constitutional as the Obamacare penalty. Failure to pay is tax evasion, punishable through the taxing authority of the IRS.

    Then, you make a $5,000 reward for every $10,000 collected in taxes to be paid to any 'whistleblower' who turns in an employer who pays the tax. Illegal immigrants would be eligible for the reward. In this way, the illegals would turn in the employers who are exploiting and profiting from this illegal behavior.

  7. Yep. Rewards for turning in employers. And large fines for said employers.

    Chasing after people using random social security numbers would also help … the SS admin admitted they cheerfully collect bogus FICA payroll deductions.

  8. I don't see a need to shoot illegals on sight (although I am not dismissing it as inappropriate).

    I suggest that everybody crossing the border without valid documentation, such as a US passport or other recognised passport with a valid visa, be issued a stylish necklace of crystallised C4.

    Try to remove the necklace – BANG.
    Fail to appear EVERY WEEK at ICE to have it reset – BANG.
    Convicted of a crime before any refugee status or other citizenship/residency questions are resolved – BANG.

    I suppose an implanted syringe containing a lethal dose of some unpleasant poison would suffice as an alternative, but having a few headless corpses of illegals dotting the streets of assorted sanctuary cities would certainly encourager les autres.

  9. Your proposal promises to be cheap, efficient and workable. Therefore, IT SILL NEVER BE IMPLEMENTED. 27 years of govt. service showed me if there were two ways to accomplish a task, and one way was faster, required fewer materials, and less man-hours, they pick the other way, EVERY. DAMN .TIME….

  10. Paul is absolutely correct. However…

    The fact is that TPTB obviously want illegal immigration to continue. For a number of reasons we all know.

    It should make all of us sick to our souls that these elite scum don't give a shit about us pee-ons nor about what was once.

    I hope to God I stay alive long enough to see the worm turn.

  11. Outlaw the 30+ million illegals already here. Put a bounty on them, dead ($1,000) or alive ($5,000).

    Put a $10,000 per illegal fine on employers, along with a sentence of one year in jail per illegal employed. A $3,000 bounty (per illegal) for whistle blowers would not be inappropriate.

  12. one problem is they don't have identities — consistent names, documents, SS/DL, so how do you identify them?

  13. Way too much trouble. I saw a graph this week showing how much money is sent OUT of America by illegals. #1 offender: Mexico #2: China. Slap a 90% tax on any money wired out of the US and all this goes away.
    Well, OK- a lot of it goes away…


  14. In Texas there is a cartel that specializes in smuggling aliens. Imagine they bring over 100 aliens, all of whom immediately fill out 1040 forms claiming EIC for 9 dependents back in Mexico. They walk across the border and meet a cattle truck driven by a cartel member. This takes them directly to ICE where the cartel applies for the reward for 100 illegals. The illegals get traffic tickets and get turned loose on a promise to appear. If they appear, they likely get deported and the cartel gets paid. If they fail to appear, they don't get deported, but the cartel murders their family back in Mexico. Those who get deported return to a marshaling point in Mexico where they can be driven to the border crossing they used the last time, and the process repeats.

    In India the government put a bounty on rats in an effort to reduce their numbers. Enterprising Indians built big cages and began breeding rats.

  15. When communities made it illegal to rent, lease, or sell for a dwelling, the illegals moved away almost immediately. Unfortunately, since this worked, the last administration used the courts to remove these laws from these communities.

    If I had to guess, I think any community that wanted to try this would find a much friendlies administration, and when enough did the same, the result would be a mass movement of illegals to sanctuary cities, where the citizens would finally push for similar laws to eliminate the scourge of unregulated immigration.

  16. When it comes to whistleblowing on employers: this is already happening, though it's like pulling teeth to find news reports on it (Almost like the news doesn't want to cover it.)

    It is a documented fact that if you pick an employer large enough the fines for employing illegals won't put them out of business, reporting them and getting ICE to do a roundup means that the remaining (legal) workers get their pick of shifts, and a bunch get promoted to the now-open supervisory slots. Then, their friends all get hired, because the labour shortage results in a hiring fair where the company can't afford to turn down legal workers with less-than-perfect work histories.

    Finally, within a year, the wages go up – because the company has to pay more to retain the trained labour that they hired. (Because getting another job is always easier when you have a job, so once the new hires have been there for a few months, they start getting better jobs elsewhere.)

    So the push for whistleblowing is starting to be employee-led. Pretty cool, eh?

  17. All well and good, but what about the high % that is coming here for welfare, not work? What about the high % that is coming here to mule drugs and cash back and forth? Don't tell me it isn't real…I have the pictures from my hunting lease down here in S Tejas…

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