A “spectacularly honest” job advertisement

The Telegraph reports:

Budding chefs who don’t mind working in a kitchen the size of a closet for “s—t” money can look no further.

A restaurateur has posted a brutally honest job advert seeking a colleague who is “fast, progressive, and not a total p—-k” to work alongside him in his new American diner in Glasgow.

Justin Valmassoi, a Michigan-born businessman pulls no punches, warning potential applicants not to waste his time if they think a “good sandwich is a tuna mayo like your gran makes” and stressing that he did not want to receive any CVs filled with anodyne, generic statements.

“If you have one that says you’re a “hard-working team player that can also function well alone” and that you “value customer service and punctuality” I will stab myself in the face with a pencil and nobody will get a job,” he writes.

There’s more at the link.

The advertisement may be found here.  The following is a short excerpt.

I have no problem working seven days a week, but on the off-chance I break my foot or get third-degree steam burns on my face I need someone who can work unsupervised and still make quality food. It’s a breakfast/brunch/lunch place to start, but there are no eggs benedicts. Go on, wrap your head around that and then continue reading. I’ll wait.

. . .

I don’t care if you’re super outgoing or actually mute. I don’t care if you’ve got tattoos. I don’t care if you only work in kitchens to get away from your horrible significant other. I don’t care about anything other than that you’re fast enough not to be in the weeds constantly and you want to be part of something genuine and good. This is a mom-and-pop type restaurant. You can learn a lot. You can have a good degree of freedom. What you cannot do is be a pain in my balls because my life savings is on the line and I have to work with my wife all day so I don’t have time for any primadonna bullsh*t.

. . .

If you think I sound like an obnoxious d*ckhead, congratulations. You are observant and will go far in life. Don’t let it discourage you, though. I’m only a d*ckhead for the first three years you know me. After that I’m a total sweetheart.

Again, more at the link.

Y’know, on the basis of that advertisement, I’d go and eat there if I lived in the area, just to say “thanks for the laughs” with my wallet!



  1. The best only tell the truth. I'm loving this guy, and only wish I was younger,,,,,,,,,,,,,would jump on his offer.

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