Doofus Of The Day #150

A tip o’ the hat to Julie for e-mailing me this story.

If you’re going to break into a home through the roof, there are a couple of precautions you should bear in mind.

First, make sure no-one’s at home to greet you.

Second: in the height of summer, directly beneath a tin roof, don’t stay up there too long – or you’ll be parboiled!

FOR two hours he hid inside the roof, the sun beating down on the tin above sending the temperature in his hiding place soaring.

Finally the burglar, who was forced to crouch in the tiny cavity after the family he intended to rob came home unexpectedly, could take no more and fainted.

The half-baked crook came crashing through the ceiling and landed at the feet of a horrified couple and their five young children almost 4m below.

Food distributor Darren Young described yesterday how he and wife Deslie and five of their six children were at their Newcastle home on the New South Wales Central Coast on Wednesday when the would-be thief made a sudden and unlikely entrance.

In a shower of plaster and insulation, the intruder slammed face-down into the hardwood floor and started groaning for help.

“I just heard this thunderous crash and thought it must be the kids doing something,” Darren said.

“I ran in and there is this bloke lying there groaning. I didn’t even realise where he had come from at that stage. I thought he must have been hiding in the cupboard.”

Deslie also ran out after the crash, fearing her husband had suffered a heart attack.

With their terrified children looking on, the couple armed themselves with a pair of mildly threatening ceramic ornaments and screamed at the bumbling burglar to get out of their house.

The intruder staggered outside before collapsing in the backyard, where the Youngs and neighbours held him with the ornaments and a set of oars until police arrived.

The family thought they had heard faint calls for help about 30 minutes before, but had no idea the pleas were coming from their uninvited guest cooped up in the cavity over their heads.

Police believe the 28-year-old Newcastle man gained entry through a laundry manhole up to two hours before but was forced to hide after the family returned home.

With temperatures outside almost 40C, the cavity probably acted like a furnace slowly heating the criminal until he became faint and fell through the ceiling.

He was taken to hospital with a broken wrist, where he remained yesterday afternoon under police guard.

Never mind the broken wrist – I’m sure he was done medium rare by then. How long until he’s done to a turn?

Peter