Today’s Doofus is from Florida.
A 30-year-old man was arrested on a host of charges after a bag of cocaine “shot out” of his backside in a gas station, according to an affidavit released today.
. . .
A man was pumping gas into [a] vehicle, and a drug-sniffing dog smelled narcotics in the vehicle and the area where the man, identified as Warren Leonard Wiley, stood. A search of Wiley turned up a crumpled dollar bill with cocaine in it.
“Wiley was then escorted to the men’s room for a more detailed search,” the affidavit states. “While being escorted, Wiley dropped his shorts in the middle of the store stating, ‘I don’t have nothing.’ “
Wiley’s backside appeared “clenched tight” as if he was hiding something. While walking, his backside relaxed and a clear bag with about 22 grams of cocaine in it “shot out” onto the store’s floor.
“Wiley then kicked back with his foot trying to kick the bag back stating again, ‘I don’t have nothing,’ ” the affidavit states.
Investigators said they found a .38 caliber revolver loaded with five cartridges in his car’s engine compartment that was reported stolen in November 2007.
Sheriff’s investigators arrested Wiley, listed as an unemployed Palm Coast resident, on charges including possession of a firearm by a convicted felon, possession of cocaine with intent to sell, possession of cocaine, carrying a concealed firearm, escape, criminal mischief, resisting arrest without violence, possession of drug paraphernalia and possession of stolen firearm.
There’s more at the link.
“Don’t have nothing”, huh? That’s a pretty impressive list of charges arising from ‘nothing’!
What particularly amused me about this story was the initial headline under which it was reported (it was changed fairly soon, probably because it offended some readers). I’ve attached a screen capture showing the original headline, circled in red.
Also highly entertaining are some of the comments from readers of the story. Here are a few of them.
Yo Dre–I knew that stuff he be sellin smelled like Dukey…
Always wondered how that type of cocaine was called “crack”. Now I know. I guess burning it to smoke helps kill off some odors too.
Who can take the crack rock?
Sprinkle it with poo?
Using special chocolate and a laxative or two,
the Cracky Man . . .
the Cracky man can!
The Cracky Man can ’cause he mixes it with dung and makes your drug taste good.
Everybody sing!………why do you think they call it crack???? sorry, it had to be said….
There’s more comments at the link.
Peter