Doofus Of The Day #875

This morning’s award goes to an Italian woman.

A middle-aged woman in Italy was forced to ask the fire brigade for help after she lost the keys to her chastity belt.

The woman, who has not been named under Italian privacy law, turned up at a fire station on Wednesday morning in Padua, in Italy’s Veneto region, and said she needed help with a lock she could not open.

Firefighters, believing she had locked herself out of her house, began asking for details about where she lived.

It was only then that the woman revealed the specific nature of the problem, pulling up a jumper to reveal an iron chastity belt.

“I’ve lost the keys to a lock and I can no longer open it,” she told a group of stunned firefighters at the fire station in San Fidenzio.

. . .

The woman explained she had chosen to wear the belt to prevent herself from embarking on a sexual relationship.

There’s more at the link.

They do say that persistence is the key to success, but I’m not sure whether that would have been entirely true in this case – the situation was somewhat impenetrable, after all!  Her pleas for help must have been truly e-lock-quent . . .



  1. This may be my opportunity to more widely circulate an analogy I'm stupidly proud to have invented: Proposals for " Gun Control " in the U.S. after mass shootings are not like locking the barn door after a horse is stolen, nor even like locking the liquor cabinet after the horse is stolen. Such proposals are like locking your wife in a chastity belt after your horse is stolen. An innocent partner in your life is completely without justification insulted, distrusted, burdened, inconvenienced, and restricted in a manner completely irrelevant to the problem. It's a idea that's more likely to get her to steal a horse and run away from you (or get you shot!) than reduce the risk of the problem.

    This is particularly so given the alleged concern over the "gun show loophole". A non-dealer — say the widow or orphan of a gun owner — who in a once in a lifetime event attempts to liquidate a collection is suddenly to become distrusted, burdened etc with requirements to obtain a dealer's certification?

  2. After bolting to the Fire Station, she was surprised to see the Firefighters marching in lock-step to help her remove said chastity belt. I wonder if being around all of those Firefighters changed her opinion on remaining chaste? :-p

    1. @antibubba: hygiene, maybe? I mean, historically those things had…ahem…"drainage ports" or sieve-like cut-outs (no pun intended), for liquid waste products (I can't recall how they dealt with solid waste)…but that's not exactly the most…comfortable…means of eliminating waste, and I'd imagine residue would tend to collect. Not to mention, depending on how long she had it on, dead skin, sweat, and so on would inevitably also begin to build up…not to mention the discomfort due to reduced circulation in her waist and thighs, I'd imagine. Am I getting too nerdy now? I'm pretty sure your question was rhetorical, but I couldn't resist the urge to offer my theories. 🙂

  3. Reminds me of this for some odd reason:
    In one scene of "Everything You Wanted to Know About Sex But Were Afraid to Ask", Woody Allen is a court jester trying to remove his lady's chastity belt, but gets his lance stuck in it. A real lance, not a euphemism. You had to be there, if you take my point.

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