Doofus Of The Day #983

Today’s award goes jointly and severally to everyone at the University of Maryland who’s behind, or endorses, this proposal.

The SGA [Student Government Association] voted to endorse a proposal that would implement two napping stations in the University of Maryland’s McKeldin Library for students in need of a midday snooze.

The vote passed 28-2 with four abstentions.

MetroNaps EnergyPods, which have a “futuristic appeal,” include a 20-minute timer, a privacy visor, storage space, a light mimicking sunrise at the end of the nap and a music feature, said Anthony Escalante, who created the proposal.

The order for two pods — including shipping, delivery, assembly and installation — would cost a combined $21,818.20 after applying a learning institution discount of $6,470.

. . .

“We’re here to help students succeed academically,” Bartheld said. “We hear from them frequently that they want EnergyPods or a napping room or something just to help them make it through long hours of studying.”

The ultimate goal is to install nap pods in all seven libraries on the campus, Escalante said.

There’s more at the link.

Even with a “learning institution discount”, the pods will cost almost $11,000 apiece.  Are you, like me, wondering why universities are charging their student so much these days?  I think we’ve just found one more reason.

I have a suggestion.  Let’s take over an empty room somewhere on campus (or erect a “temporary structure”, just like the US Army did in World War II – some of which are still in use today!).  Inside it, we’ll put a couple of rows of these.

There must be thousands of them stored in military warehouses across the country;  and if those aren’t available, you can get plans and build them out of wood.  (Heck, you can buy modern reproductions on, or get the originals from military surplus stores like this one;  either costs less than 5% of the price of an EnergyPod!)  I reckon, for the price of a single pod, you could probably buy or build a dozen stout, strong double bunks, each equipped with a foam mattress (which will probably be a lot more comfortable than the original), sheets, a pillow and a blanket.  Heck, if that was good enough for Uncle Sam’s fighting men, back in the day, it’s surely good enough for their descendants – today’s special snowflake students!  The budget should even be enough to provide earplugs and sleep masks.  As for privacy, too bad.  Let the students get used to snoring, other students’ poor personal hygiene, and the occasional fart.  They can toughen up while they nap!

There.  I’ve just saved the University of Maryland tens (possibly hundreds) of thousands of dollars, provided nap facilities out the wazoo compared to one or two isolated pods, and ensured gainful employment for all the carpenters, builders and vendors who’ll supply the needful.  Am I a financial genius, or what?



  1. Well Peter, your proposal is OK as far as it goes, but you overlooked the nappy timer and the sunrise feature.
    I would suggest hiring a retired Marine DI who would come in at the end of nappy time to flip on all of the lights and start beating on the 40 gallon garbage can with a baseball bat while verbalizing one of the standard wake up messages.
    There, I fixed it for you!

  2. @Anonymous at 9:34 PM: You're absolutely right. I humbly acknowledge my error in not including that essential element of student nap time! I can think of several former Marines who will be very, VERY happy to oblige . . .


  3. "Drop yer c***s and grab yer socks!" I remember it well enuf I could fill in for the Marines. U.S. Army basic, circa 1960 @ Ft. Hood. Our DI used a baton on the shitcan. Guess it was easier than using a baseball bat.

  4. We can't have DI's involved – they're installing these napping pods in the libraries. Libraries are no place for shouting.

  5. . . .you can get plans and build them out of wood.

    Plans? Plans? Speaking of snowflakes. 🙂 Real men do plans for a flat wood table in their heads.

  6. A slight turn in the discussion, how long before two students get caught doing the dirty deed in the Energy Pod?

    I say the over under is one week.


  7. The problem with trying to sleep in a "Studies" class is the acid reflux from being forced to listen to that processed bovine food without replying (or, more appropriately, beheading the gits propounding it with a hoe, like any other poisonous snake you find too close to human habitat).

  8. Maybe I'm missing something…but don't these students have a place all their own where they can go nap? Is there something wrong with the bed in their dorm room or apartment?

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