Language . . . it’s for the birds!

From the Daily Mail we learn of Barney the potty-mouthed parrot.

It seems that Barney grew up in a household where the Queen’s English was . . . well, perhaps more fundamentally Anglo-Saxon and rather less Royal than might be desired.

He somehow landed up in a wildlife sanctuary, where he lives in a cage in the living-room of the curator, Mr. Geoff Grewcock.

(As an aside, that’s a terribly unfortunate surname, old boy, what?)

Barney shares the cage with two African Grey parrots, Sam and Charley . . . and apparently they’ve expanded their vocabulary by adopting his.

Their favourite words are f*** off, b******* and t***.

Mr Grewcock, who owns the Warwickshire Wildlife Sanctuary in Nuneaton, said: “They just sit there swearing at each other now.

“I wouldn’t mind, but we had been careful of what we said in front of the other birds so they didn’t go like Barney.

“I didn’t think they would pick it up from him. We have got another African Grey called Sunny who squawks ‘shut up’ at them when the swearing starts – but they don’t take any notice.”

In 2005, Barney told the local mayoress to f*** off during a civic visit and then turned to two police officers and a vicar and added: “You can f*** off too, w******!”

Mr Grewcock said: “We have tried everything to get Barney to curb his language and now we have got another two to contend with.

“These birds can live until they are 70 so there are potentially another 60 years of this to contend with.”

Parrot expert Rob Harvey said the birds usually talked to get the attention of their owners. “This case is so unusual because parrots are copying another parrot,” he said.

*gigglesnort!*

This reminds me of the tale of the priest, the parishioner and the parrots.

An elderly parishioner approached her pastor after Sunday service. “Father, I have a terrible problem. I bought two female parrots so as to have some company at home, but they must have grown up in a terrible place. One keeps on saying ‘Hi, sweet thing!’ in the most ghastly suggestive tone of voice, and the other responds ‘Let’s get it on, handsome!’ They keep at it all the time! I can’t have my friends around to visit any more for fear of offending them! What should I do?”

The priest thought for a moment, then said magisterially, “Never fear, my dear. I have two male parrots that I’ve taught to pray. They spend their days reciting the Rosary and fingering the beads with their claws. Bring your two over to my rectory and we’ll put their cage in the same room with my birds. I’m sure they’ll learn more Christian ways in no time at all.”

“Oh, thank you, Father!” the lady exclaimed, and that very evening brought her parrots over to the rectory. Trembling with eagerness, she accompanied the priest as he carried the cage through to his living-room, set it down next to his birds’ cage and took off the cover.

The two visiting parrots looked at the priest’s flock, duly fingering their Rosary beads and murmuring Pater Nosters and Ave Marias. The first called raucously, “Hi, sweet thing!” and the other echoed, “Let’s get it on, handsome!”

The priest’s parrots looked up, eyed the newcomers, then looked at each other. “Put down those beads, brother,” said one to the other. “Our prayers have been answered!”

Peter