A new twist to home defense

In England citizens aren’t allowed to own or use firearms for self-defense.

One gentleman has applied his mind to the problem and come up with a solution that is, I must admit, unique in my experience.

You see, Joe Weston-Webb used to be a traveling showman. He still owns many items of equipment from those days, including a cannon once used to “fire his wife across the River Avon” – she must have been a long-suffering woman! – and a replica of a Roman catapult.

They’re going to come in handy.

After an arson attack on his offices and vandalism in the neighborhood, Joe has taken steps to forestall any recurrence. The cannon is now loaded with “railway sleepers tipped with rubber”.

He said: “That’s the only concession I’m willing to make to all the do-gooders who seem to think criminals should be able to do what they want.

“I’m not out to kill anyone or even hurt them – I just want to keep yobs off my land. So I’m prepared to make my missiles a bit softer – but that’s it.”

That’s not all. The Roman catapult now bears a bucket filled with – of all things – chicken droppings.

Police have warned him that he faces prosecution if he uses either weapon against intruders, but Mr. Weston-Webb is unrepentant.

He said: “The police seem to be hoping I’m just having a bit of a laugh at their expense, but they’re the ones who have lost all sense of reality.

“This is a serious issue. People all over Britain are sick and tired of feeling like prisoners in their own homes and seeing yobs get away with it.

“It’s absolutely typical of this country that the person whose life has been made a complete misery is the one most likely to end up in court.

“Maybe the police think I’m joking, but the only people laughing are the criminals. That’s why I fully intend to take the law into my own hands.”

I couldn’t agree more! Good luck to you, Sir, and may your aim be true!

Peter