Not your average officer…

Way back when (so long ago I’ve forgotten), I came across a purported list of extracts from British military officer fitness reports.  I recently rediscovered it, and thought my readers might enjoy it:  so here goes.

• His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity.
• This officer is not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely-won’t-be.
• When he opens his mouth, it seems this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there.
• He has carried out each and every one of his duties to his entire satisfaction.
• He would be out of his depth in a car park puddle.
• Technically sound, but socially impossible.
• This officer reminds me very much of a gyroscope – always spinning around at a frantic pace, but not really going anywhere.
• This young man has delusions of adequacy.
• When he joined my ship, this officer was something of a granny; since then he has aged considerably.
• This Medical Officer has used my ship to carry his genitals from port to port, and my officers to carry him from bar to bar.
• Since my last report he has reached rock bottom, and has started to dig.
• He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
• He has the wisdom of youth, and the energy of old age.
• This officer should go far – and the sooner he starts, the better.
• In my opinion this pilot should not be authorized to fly below 250 feet.
• This man is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

I think I served under a number of those fellows.  They came in handy as examples of the kind of officer one didn’t want to be!

Peter