Adequate Man has compiled a list – and what a list! – of objects people inserted into various bodily orifices during the past year. A great deal of it is unsafe for work, but some of the orifices are more mentionable in polite company, so I can provide these examples.
It’s here! It’s finally here! Every year it seems like the big day will never come, but it’s here. It’s the day to gather with your family and friends ‘round the hearth, warm beverages and sweet treats at the ready, and have a hearty chortle over the things America stuck inside itself and couldn’t remove without the help of trained medical personnel.
All reports are taken from the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission’s database of emergency room visits, all descriptions are verbatim, and none of those things belong in there.
As always, objects are sorted by orifice, working south:
“PLACED CRAYON IN EAR ON A DARE”
“WAS BORED AT SCHOOL, PUT PART OF A PEN IN EAR”
END OF A COMB
“ALWAYS PUTS TOILET PAPER IN EAR WHEN SHOWERING. CAN’T REMOVE”
“WAS CLEANING EAR WITH Q-TIP, ACCIDENTALLY WALKED INTO WALL, PUSHED Q-TIP INTO EAR”
“SNEEZED AND A COMPUTER KEYBOARD KEY CAME OUT RT. NOSTRIL, SNEEZED AGAIN & ANOTHER ONE ALMOST CAME OUT”
There’s more at the link. As mentioned earlier, some of the body parts (and the things inserted in them) are definitely NSFW!
Personally, I’ve never been tempted to put anything remotely “interesting” into any body part, so I read that list with mind-boggled incomprehension. Also, how is it possible for so many people to have had an object get into something anatomically inappropriate (if not impossible) by “falling on it” or “sitting on it” by “accident”? Methinks the victims doth protest too much! (The nurses and emergency medical personnel I know tend to have a rather droll reaction to such excuses, to put it mildly. Ask JB to tell you his kielbasa story sometime . . . he’s already given me permission to use it in a novel, so I’ll have to come up with a scenario where such an event – and the wildly
inappropriate response it evoked from EMS – will fit!)
Um… NO, not even opening that link…. LOL Showed this to PP, and she just rolled her eyes, said "Don't get me started."
Wifmann used to work in the ER of a hospital in an area with a substantial population that had a fascination with Barbie Doll heads.
IIRC the record for requiring the surgical removal of Barbie Doll heads from one client was thirteen on one graveyard shift.
Ban roll-on deodorant bottles were another popular item that required removal by medical personnel.
A lot of people fell on an amazing variety of objects.
My mother's father was a doctor and when we were little he came over to our house to remove something from my sister's ear. He then lectured us to never ever put anything smaller than our elbows into our ear. That stuck with me for a lifetime.
Youngest son is just about to finish his emergency medicine residency – he has some god, and some not so good, stories. I would bet he has seen most of the items on the list. And then there are the ones not involving insertions but still just shake your head … my favorite is the one where he was interviewing a young couple about why they were in the ED. They were there because they couldn't understand why he was lactating – well, it seems that the girl didn't like taking her birth control pills, so the young man, being the chivalrous sort, was talking them for her!!
As a paramedic, I have seen quite a few of these. My very first post as a blogger covered one such event: