Satire, skirting dangerously close to reality

I enjoy satirical news articles, poking fun at the shibboleths of modern living.  Unfortunately, sometimes the satire is very near the bone.

In a move to make purchasing congresspeople easier and faster for lobbyists, Congress voted to approve a new measure that calls for congresspeople to wear barcodes on their foreheads so lobbyists, activists, and corporations can simply scan them and self-checkout.

Self-checkout machines will be installed at all exits of the Capitol Building, so once they’ve added congresspeople to their cart, lobbyists can pay right on the way out.

“Purchasing congresspeople used to be a time-consuming, expensive process,” said a Planned Parenthood representative. “Now, we can simply walk through Congress, scan all the congresspeople that are for sale, and checkout without having to interact with any humans.”

There’s more at the link.

Given the amounts invested in lobbying, “contributions to re-election campaigns” and other kickbacks, bar-codes on Congressional representatives and senators probably aren’t that much of a stretch.  Next step:  buying them online on, with overnight Prime delivery of what you’ve paid them for!



  1. No need to pay a tattoo artist for a bar code just have a veterinarian put a chip in them with ownership info if they get lost.

  2. I've often said that making it possible to purchase law and legislation would get all this crap out into the open, and make money for the public fisc, as well.

    Say you're a company that wants something. Instead of bribing Congresscreatures, you simply approach the Treasury formally, say "How much…?", pay the price, and Hey! Presto!, you've got your law. For however long you keep paying the fees… Or, until someone says "Hey, that's BS… Lemme buy a damn law or two, myself…".

    End of the day, you've got the same damn effect, but it's out in the open, and the money is going to the Treasury. If the public doesn't like it, fine–Let them gather together and put their money where their mouth is, and buy their own laws.

    I think you would have to balance things out, to where a group of private citizens got a discount, so that someone like Google couldn't just run roughshod over them, but I believe that this system would be far less iniquitous than the current model, and you'd have the money going towards the National Debt.

    I bet money you could put a massive dent in that debt with something like this. Probably bankrupt a few companies, too, as they tried to out-bid the outrage of the general public…

  3. I like the part about "not having to interact with any humans"
    …that says more about our societies and our world than anything else

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