A symbol both Gallic and phallic!

I’m somewhat bemused to read of a woman who’s “had a commitment ceremony performed” – not with a human partner, but with the Eiffel Tower!

Perhaps unsurprisingly, she’s from the West Coast.

A San Francisco woman says her affection for the Eiffel Tower goes beyond admiration to sexual attraction and romantic commitment.

The woman had a commitment ceremony performed with the Parisian tower two years ago and changed her name to Erika Eiffel to reflect her romantic love of the landmark, ABC News reported Wednesday.

“Her structure is just amazing. You know, she’s got subtle, subtle curves, you know,” Eiffel, 36, said of her inanimate “partner.” “I just, it’s almost like I heard her crying out, saying, ‘Somebody, notice me.'”

She says she is part of a small group of people who call themselves “objectum sexuals,” or those who are sexually attracted to objects and not people. The objects of their desire can be home computers, musical instruments or monuments such as the Eiffel Tower.

Er . . . well, if you say so! Personally, I’d have thought the relationship somewhat unrewarding. After all, once you’ve girded (or, in this case, girdered) your loins and made the commitment, what the heck do you do for a honeymoon?

Of course, the idea of a relationship with a musical instrument is a bit weird too. I mean, it sheds a whole new light on the story of Tubby the Tuba, for a start!

(I’m reminded of a retreat I attended back in 2002, preached by a nun. One of her rather New-Age instructions was to have us imagine that we were musical instruments, being ‘played’ by God in various ways. I’m afraid I quite ruined the touchy-feely, warm-fuzzy mood she was trying to establish by walking around for the rest of the day, intoning gravely to everyone I met, “I am a flute. Blow me!” The other participants dissolved in helpless giggles, but she rather huffily accused me of not taking her instruction seriously – a charge to which I gleefully admitted!)

Peter