The New York Times brings us instructions on – of all things! – “How to Have Sex in a Canoe“.
Take some basic precautions. First, make room. Stow your paddles, handle ends down, behind the stern seat. Take out the removable center thwart, if there is one; you don’t want to get stuck under it in the event of a flip. (One old boat in the museum’s collection, called a “girling canoe,” features a detachable thwart and a record player.) To maintain balance, relax your body. “Let your hips roll with the canoe,” Raffan says. Be mindful of the fact that sound carries particularly well across still water. To avoid someone rushing to rescue you, keep some body parts visible above the gunwale. “A canoe with nobody in it raises alarm,” Raffan says. Beginners should try such activities only on still water. You may decide to remove your life jacket, which is probably fine as long as you’re a capable swimmer. Before disrobing, consider that black flies and mosquitoes are most active around twilight.
There’s more at the link.
Sound advice, I’m sure (although not from personal experience, I hasten to add). “Take out the removable center thwart”? Oh, yes – otherwise your amorous endeavors might be thwarted, to put it mildly!
I note, of course, that this article uses the term “canoe” to refer to something like the Native Americans used, or the Canadian fur trappers who learned from them. I’d like to see a couple try it in a kayak. That might make it all the way to “America’s Funniest Home Videos“!
…or the "Darwin awards" if they die from from their efforts.
Not to be picky but a canoe is a canoe…
This immediately reminds me of the line from Monty Python's "Live at the Hollywood Bowl" video: "Your American beer is like making love in a canoe – f**king close to water!"
"Keep some body parts visible"… or hoist a flag proclaiming, "If this canoe's rockin', don't come a-knockin'."
How to have sex in a canoe. Load with some camping equipment, find a spot far away, set up camp, get going on going.
Else pain, and wetness, will lead from most people attempting said activity in an actual canoe.
What next, New York Times? How to have Sex in a Car?
Oh, how times have fallen.
Has the NYT slid downhill, or is this just par for the course? We're talking about the same paper that wrote that rockets will never work in space because there's nothing to push against there, that employed Soviet propaganda agent Walter Duranty, and that employed prevaricator Jayson Blair.
First, practice in a hammock… 🙂
Step one: set your canoe in a storage cradle on dry land… /
Yep, just get in the water… MUCH easier… and less bugs too!
To paraphrase Instapundit…or you can just simulate the experience by drinking a Coors Lite.
This ability is innate if you are Canadian.