Too funny! “Florida Man” versus the aliens!

A contributor on Reddit has composed a series of stories about challenge fights between “Florida Man” and an alien opponent.  They’re very amusing .  Here’s a brief example.

Skorath the bloody, champion of the arena and chosen warrior of the gygax empire was restless.

He paced around his chambers, his frost bear cloak swirling behind him, 9 foot of muscles and scar tissues wearing a furrow in the carpet with every lap.

His next opponent was the ‘Florida man’ of Earth, a tiny planet from the other side of the system, and it was completely unknown. Not capable of interstellar travel yet selected based on their exceptional levels of violence and propensity for war. At first Skorath had laughed, he, veteran a hundred fights, slayer of the beast of xenor and wielder of the fabled prism hammer. He would sweep this earth man off the map….but now he was… Anxious.

His data tech perched on the edge of his seat, tablet in hand and typing furiously, but every answer his research of the earth internet brought up only worried Skorath more.

‘what is an alligator tech?, and why would Florida man bringing it into a k-mart be of interest?’

‘its a predator sir…. Responsible for over 9000 human deaths… Genetically it is almost perfect… No evolution in almost 100 million years’

‘And he carried it with him to purchase beer?’

‘yes sir, beer is very popular on earth sir, its a recreational poison that humans consume before doing dangerous activities, see here, 3 earth days later “Florida man drinks 14 pints of beer and then supplexes a theme park mascot”‘

‘they poison themselves to gain power???’

. . .

The tech typed a few more times then stopped his complexion pale..

‘sir… I’ve just done the time conversion… Florida man… There are entries every day of each earth year…. In the last cycle alone he has been drunk 63 times, being arrested 90 times, shot 43 times, been involved with an alligator, snake or bear 27 times and screamed Murica a staggering 300 times’

Skorath sat down and his head dropped, for the first time in his life, he truly knew fear.

There’s much more at the link.  Highly entertaining reading for those who’ve encountered “Florida Man” in the flesh (or any reasonable redneck facsimile thereof).  A tip o’ the hat to reader Carl S. for sending me the link.



  1. I Duck Duck Go'd 'Florida man, Jan 24 2019' and found that on my birthday he had walked into a bank, shot and killed 5 people, then called the cops on himself. No word on his use of performance enhancing substances.

  2. There's a whole section of Reddit devoted to stories like this. The overall subreddit is, and the portion of it that I've been enjoying the most is called "The Jenkinsverse" which has an overall page of and a chronological order page of

    In either case, it's suggested that one reads the 4 parts of "Chapter 0" before anything else. The initial stuff is all pretty short, but as "Hambone" has improved his craft, his output has gotten longer, to the point that each "chapter" can be a 3-4 hour read anymore. He's got them all posted at his site at in mobi format so they can be pulled into a Kindle or whatever. He really should charge for them, IMO. They're worth it.

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