I know a guy in Billerica who, like most people, has grown weary of making the monthly mortgage payments on his house for decades.
But last week he emailed me some very good news, which may make his life a lot easier.
“My home mortgage has decided to self-identify as a student loan,” he said. “You know what that means? I will no longer have to pay it — ever!”
This is marvelous news, and I predict that “transitioning” all debt into student loans is going to be the next big thing in the equity racket.
I mean, if a guy can suddenly “self-identify” as a woman, then why can’t a past-due bill self-identify into a category where it doesn’t ever have to be repaid?
Personally, after studying my rather hefty recent credit-card statements, I’m beginning to “groom” my Visa bill to become a student loan — thus, I can claim “forbearance,” and suffer no “accrual” of interest payments.
Hey, what’s good for the queer-studies major should likewise be good for a taxpayer with two jobs, right? Surely the equal-protection clause of the 14th Amendment extends to debtors.
All deadbeats equal under the bankruptcy law.
If these goldbricking losers who owe over a trillion dollars in unpaid student loans don’t have to pay back the money they owe, why can’t an electrician tired of making payments on his F-150 simply “transition” the payment on his pickup into a … student loan?
Which he would then never have to repay.
Property taxes, credit lines, condo fees, alimony, child support, library fines, anything — why can’t normal people seek “bill reassignment surgery” and live large on the arm, like an illegal alien or a Democrat?
. . .
The same folks outraged by “Don’t Say Gay” have no problem whatsoever with “Don’t Say Pay.”
There’s more at the link.
The only problem with Mr. Carr’s suggestion is that student loan suspensions – and, possibly, forgiveness – are paid for by the US taxpayer. If we all have to shoulder an even greater burden to pay off all the other “re-identified” loans, we may as well declare the Republic bankrupt right now, and stop paying our taxes as well. It’ll come to the same thing in the end.
Still, it’s a tempting thought . . .