What a great idea! Let’s all re-identify our finances!


I had to laugh while reading Howie Carr‘s latest suggestion.

I know a guy in Billerica who, like most people, has grown weary of making the monthly mortgage payments on his house for decades.

But last week he emailed me some very good news, which may make his life a lot easier.

“My home mortgage has decided to self-identify as a student loan,” he said. “You know what that means? I will no longer have to pay it — ever!”

This is marvelous news, and I predict that “transitioning” all debt into student loans is going to be the next big thing in the equity racket.

I mean, if a guy can suddenly “self-identify” as a woman, then why can’t a past-due bill self-identify into a category where it doesn’t ever have to be repaid?

Personally, after studying my rather hefty recent credit-card statements, I’m beginning to “groom” my Visa bill to become a student loan — thus, I can claim “forbearance,” and suffer no “accrual” of interest payments.

Hey, what’s good for the queer-studies major should likewise be good for a taxpayer with two jobs, right? Surely the equal-protection clause of the 14th Amendment extends to debtors.

All deadbeats equal under the bankruptcy law.

If these goldbricking losers who owe over a trillion dollars in unpaid student loans don’t have to pay back the money they owe, why can’t an electrician tired of making payments on his F-150 simply “transition” the payment on his pickup into a … student loan?

Which he would then never have to repay.

Property taxes, credit lines, condo fees, alimony, child support, library fines, anything — why can’t normal people seek “bill reassignment surgery” and live large on the arm, like an illegal alien or a Democrat?

. . .

The same folks outraged by “Don’t Say Gay” have no problem whatsoever with “Don’t Say Pay.”

There’s more at the link.

The only problem with Mr. Carr’s suggestion is that student loan suspensions – and, possibly, forgiveness – are paid for by the US taxpayer.  If we all have to shoulder an even greater burden to pay off all the other “re-identified” loans, we may as well declare the Republic bankrupt right now, and stop paying our taxes as well.  It’ll come to the same thing in the end.

Still, it’s a tempting thought . . .



  1. I knew students in law school who took out more student loan debt so they could take overseas vacations.

  2. Yeah, it's getting stupid and out of control. If they want to 'forgive' the student debt, make the Unis kick in from their endowments for a percentage…

  3. Simple (but painful) fix: Allow discharge of student loans in bankruptcies if at least five years post graduation (starting five years post passing of the enabling legislation. But at the same time remove ALL federal loan guarantees and must-issue loan requirements.

    Painful at first, yes. But the deadbeats are already not going to pay it off. But going forward, students will need to convince a loan officer both that they have a high likelihood of graduating and that their proposed major has a high likelihood of an income that will allow them to repay it.

    No market for the various grievance studies majors? Highly unlikely that a degree in fuzzy studies will allow paying off the cost of an Ivy League school's tuition? Too bad. That's a feature, not a bug.

    Unless it's to qualify you for a job that pays better wages than you could earn out of high school, college is a luxury. Why should taxpayers – the majority of them people who either didn't go to college or *did* pay off their loans – subsidize those who willfully chose to treat college an entitlement rather than an opportunity.

    I worked my way through college and paid my own way in full (and finished the last few years part-time while holding a full time job). I got both my daughters through their undergraduate degrees without debt (I funded most of it, though both worked part-time as well). Both of them did take out loans for graduate school – and paid them off within four years of graduation. So why should *we* be on the hook because an XYZ-studies degree from an Ivy cost several hundred thousand dollars for no real return?

  4. @Javahead: Preach it, brother! I'm with you 100%. I did the same as you, completing three university degrees and a post-grad diploma through distance learning and part-time evening classes. I paid my own way, never had a scholarship or a student loan, and earned those qualifications the hard way.

    I think a system such as you describe would rapidly lead to the abolition of all the "touchy-feely" university faculties whose graduates aren't equipped to do anything more challenging than to ask, "Do you want fries with that?"

  5. How many years back was that Peter? Modern tuition (The education industry) vs the minimum wage isn't what it was in 1972.

    As to the loans, not too long ago we bailed out the bankers, ALL THE BANKERS from their gambling debts and allowed them to do it again…
    I watch "The Big Short" again the other day… I shouldn't do that, I get pissed… I'd say it's good to remember buy why? Nothing has changed…

  6. I was tied down financially for over a decade of my life with student loans, but that was because I chose a foolish major. (Mortuary Science – I was raised on horror movies.)

    Nobody bailed me out; I'm not bailing out anyone else either.

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