Christmas food

Christmas is traditionally a time to enjoy the company of family and friends, and particularly to over-indulge in rich foods. I haven’t done so in quite a while, living alone as I do, but I enjoy reading about various ways to make the season heavy. Of course, the season of celebration extends through the traditional ‘Twelve Days of Christmas’, so there’s no need to do it all in one day.

For those who’d like to try something new over the next few days, with either left-overs or fresh ingredients, here’s a very handy collection of traditional German Christmas recipes. How about a nice Red Herring Salad?

There’s also Blue Christmas Carp, potato salad with sausages, smoked sausage, smoked pork ribs, stuffed goose, and – for those fortunate enough to have access to deer meat during hunting season – Saddle of Venison. I’m sure the recipe will work just as well for North American whitetail, elk, caribou or moose meat as it will for German deer. Yum!

It seems that Peru has a rather different approach to a Christmas main course.

Are hard times threatening your Christmas dinner? Well then, Peru has the answer: guinea pig.

Officials in the coastal Peruvian province of Callao on Monday hailed the Andean rodent as a low-cost, low-fat alternative to a traditional turkey or roast pork Christmas dinner.

Guinea pigs can feed seven or eight for about $3.20, Callao official Mario Sanguinity told Associated Press Television.

“The idea is to give the people a tasty, economical option,” he said.

The presentation included a live guinea pig dressed as Santa Claus and eight of its comrades laid out fried, broiled and roasted in traditional dishes from different regions of Peru.

The tiny cuts of white meat are often compared to rabbit and dark chicken. Called “cuy” in Peru, guinea pig is a staple source of income for farmers and holds an elevated place in Andean folklore.

A painting of the Last Supper hanging in the principal cathedral of the ancient Inca capital of Cuzco depicts Christ and the 12 disciples dining on guinea pig.

Er . . . thanks, but I kept guinea pigs as pets when I was a kid. I think I’ll stick to something bigger and less tame!

For those raised in the English Christmas tradition, of course, nothing rounds off the Christmas feast quite like traditional Christmas pudding. The firm Matthew Walker produces twenty-four million of them each year!

They’re said to use 300,000 tons of raisins, one million pints of cider, and 150,000 pints of brandy, among other ingredients (13 in all, representing Christ and his twelve Apostles), to produce 7,500 tons of pudding mix each year.

All that demand makes the firm one of the UK’s major alcohol consumers. Puddings are soaked in Port, fermented in Cognac and Derbyshire vintage stout, then steamed to keep them moist.

A spokesman said: ‘What makes our Christmas pudding so special is the quality of the ingredients and the traditional methods we use.’

Matthew Walker, a farmer’s son, began by producing preserves and Christmas puddings from his mother’s recipes. He then sold products through a friend’s grocery store and opened a factory in Derby in 1899. It moved to its present location in 1967. Today, 280 varieties are made there.

A personal favorite (although rather pricy) is the Fortnum & Masons Christmas pudding, made to the firm’s own recipe. It’s rather expensive, but ohhh, the taste! Serve with traditional English custard, of course, or thick whipped cream. If you dare serve it with Reddi-wip or any other canned imitation cream, I shall hire pudding elves to beat you severely about the head with a slice of your Christmas pudding!

After looking at that, please excuse me for a moment while I wipe the drool from my chin . . .

Of course, one has to consider health and safety matters when preparing and eating Christmas dinner. The Daily Mail has thoughtfully provided us (tongue firmly in cheek) with what it claims are Government Elf ‘n Safety regulations for the occasion.

Please note that the meal formerly known as Christmas Dinner – officially renamed The Non-Specific Winter Festival Food-Intake Event – breaks all official guidelines for calorific intake and maximum weekly units of alcohol. This is not acceptable at a time of obesity.

A healthy, satisfying and enjoyable meal can be obtained by retaining many of the traditional features, in a new, exciting – and economical! – form.

Remove turkey skin, stuffing, roast potatoes, bacon, chipolatas, bread sauce, cranberry sauce, mince pies, Non-Specific Winter Festival pudding, cake, brandy butter, cream, custard and chocolates.

The main course should consist of:

1 slice lean turkey meat

Up to 200g (7 ounces) carrots and/or sprouts

1 baked potato (no butter or cheese)

1 teaspoon unsweetened cranberry coulis

Alcohol should be avoided. A refreshing glass of tap water can give that ‘special occasion’ feel with ice, a slice of lemon and a sprig of holly in the glass.

Note: Ice is a hazardous substance that can fall on the floor, causing slips that may lead to broken bones. It must be handled with care.

Goggles and gloves must be worn when handling lemons and holly.

More helpful Elf ‘n Safety regulations on matters such as carol singing, church services, presents and the like are also provided. Thoughtful of them, no?

Anyway, I hope the above gives you some useful ideas for the rest of the Christmas season. May it be a blessed and joyous time for us all.

Peter