Doofus Of The Day #944

Today’s award goes jointly and severally to everyone who shoved various and sundry objects into body orifices during 2016.  Adequate Man took the time and trouble to compile a list, based on emergency room reports.  Here are a few of the items (and orifices) mentionable in polite company.


  • Beetle
  • Gasoline
  • Dog’s paw


  • Pebble from the fish tank
  • “Stuck a raisin up his right nostril, brother tried to remove with tweezers but patient moved”
  • Plastic snake


  • “Accidentally swallowed a pill bottle when taking his medication”
  • “Playing with a blow dart gun, blew the pin out, it hit the wall, flew back into patient’s throat and he swallowed it”
  • “Held down in art class, classmate shoved sequins down throat”

There are many more at the link, both objects and orifices, some of which are emphatically not safe for work or children.  Read at your own risk.

I can’t help thinking that some of the excuses offered are so creative, the patients deserved not only treatment, but also an award for their creative talent and acting abilities!



  1. My wife used to work in the ER of a town that had a sizable gay community.
    13 Barbie Doll heads was the record..for Barbie Doll heads. I don't know what the fascination with the Babie Doll heads was about.
    Ban roll-on deodorant bottles were also a popular re-occurring item.
    Surgery was the only recourse for removal of all of the above.

  2. And if you believe those excuses, I have a condominium in Arizona with beautiful views of the Atlantic ocean for sale, going cheap …

    Phil B

  3. My brother (swear it was him, not me) committed one of these 'derp' moments when he was a kid. Put a needle in a straw and intended to use as blowgun. oOly he neglected to remove mouth from straw when he drew a breath. One emergency room visit later found he luckily caught it in his upper throat.

    God must love fools – he put a lot of them out here. :^)

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