Gonad gastronomy?

I missed it at the time, but it seems an inaugural Texas Testicle Festival was held in Fredericksburg in mid-January.

The Best of Texas wants you to know that a poor turkey has lost his testicles for you to enjoy.

The organization, which hosts festivals around Texas, said in a Facebook post not to let the turkey’s testes be wasted in vain at its first Texas Testicle Festival from noon to 8 p.m. Saturday in Bankersmith Hall in Fredericksburg.

Testicles from calves, lambs, roosters, turkeys and other animals are considered delicacies in other parts of the world. And that’s what the festival is celebrating — people who enjoy eating animal testicles.

Joe Bachmeier, an organizer with the event, said the festival will include turkey, lamb and veal testicles. The organs were imported from professionals that performed the removal of the testicles. They will be battered, fried and grilled at the festival.

There’s more at the link.

Of course, the report raises a number of questions.  For example, the claim that “the organs were imported from professionals that performed the removal of the testicles”.  Professionals?  I had no idea such a profession existed!  Is it specialized?  In other words, are there turkey testicle removers, and cattle testicle removers, and sheep testicle removers, but no general testicle removers?  And from where were the testicles imported?  Hopefully none came from species that are implicated in the spread of the coronavirus.  Are there special methods for removing testicles that render them kosher or halal?

Further research (?) indicates that this festival is far from the first in Texas, or anywhere else, for that matter.  Wikipedia reports that testicles are eaten in many parts of the world.  It informs us that “Testicles are cooked in a variety of ways: sautéed and sauced, fricasseed, deep-fried with breading or batter, in pies, poached, roasted, and so on. Before cooking, they are generally scalded, skinned, and soaked in cold water.”  (Reading that was an uncomfortable experience in more ways than one!)

There’s even an annual World Testicle Cooking Championship in Serbia (of all places).

Ljubomir Erovic created the World Testicle Cooking Championship, back in 2005. Since then, it’s been organized every year, and more and more tourists come to try, or see others stuff their faces with various testicle-based foods. The festival has become so popular that Erovic, a seasoned testicle cook, has even published a testicle cookbook.

The motto of the event is “Scots have their scotch, the Swiss – their cheese, and we, the Serbs, have balls,”, and judging by the number of testicles cooked and consumed by the audience, I’d say that’s very true. The cooks use testicles from all kinds of animals and birds, including bulls, pigs, ostriches, roosters, kangaroos, or turkeys.

Again, more at the link.  I’m not sure how such exotic creatures’ appendages end up in Serbia, but I suppose that’s part of the joys of modern commerce and shipping.  How would they label the shipment?  It can’t be hazardous materials, or “hazmat” – after all, the critter doesn’t haz them any longer!

Anyway, I’m sure you’re as fascinated as I am by the subject (NOT!).  I’ll limit myself to partaking of the Rocky Mountain oysters served up from time to time at our annual Blogorado gathering.  We come together to shoot, after all, and one of the higher forms of praise I’ve heard is to say that a rifleman is such a good shot that “he can neuter a gnat at a hundred yards” – definitely a reason to enjoy the “fruits” of the neutering, so to speak.  (I’ll leave the actual harvesting of the “oysters” to someone younger, more agile and fleeter of foot than myself, in case the bull objects!)

Peter