How to annoy your British friends

Buzzfeed has published ‘The 17 Best Ways To Annoy A British Person‘.  Examples include:

5. Actually take the last biscuit when they ask you if you want it.
8. Violate the sanctity of a queue.
17. Ask them if they’re Australian.

There’s more at the link.  As a British-colonial expat, I can assure you that most of them will work!  Note to self – I must make sure Miss D. and Oleg don’t see that article . . .



  1. How to annoy Americans:
    1. Refer to them as Septics
    Septic=Septic Tank=Yank.
    2. Tell them how much you love American cars – like the AC Cobra, Cad Allard, Ford GT40, all built in England. Add the Corvette which had their twin cam engines designed and built by Lotus (England)
    3. Mention how the language is still called English, not American
    4 Do not on any account mention how all three of my motorcycles are Harleys πŸ™‚

  2. How to annoy an Irish Person (in Ireland):

    1) Tell 'em your a George W. Bush supporter and you believe in Capitalism and are a staunch Conservative who owns lots of guns.

    2) Tell 'em Obama is a lying, phony crook and therefore must be part Irish.

    3) Big smile as you look 'em in the eye and loudly say: "HAVE A NICE DAY!"

    Be sure to draw out the daaaaaaaaaaay.

    (then run)

    I guarantee, it works all the time.

  3. Refer to them as English…while in Scotland, or Wales, or Cornwall.
    The queue is sacred.
    There is only type of football, and it is round. Other non-spherical objects do appear, however, in Rugby. Rugby is US Football without any body armour or breaks to catch one's breath, and why it has never caught on in the US will always baffle me.

  4. Intended Brit insults can be a line to behold. And absolutely play stupid when the intended slight goes right over your head! Pretend you just don't get it, and then continue in the same vein. Just remember these are the people who allow beheading in their city streets.

  5. How to annoy a Yank ask him if hes a Canadian!

    I dunno. When in New Zealand and Rarotonga, we found it went the other way. i.e.: The Canuckistanis would get really peeved about being thought American. Americans are more like, "Ha! As if."

    Robert: 3. Mention how the language is still called English, not American

    It's funny you should say that… πŸ˜€

    I got some Brits in NZ really wound up by playing the "Ridiculously Americentric American" with some severely revisionist history… mild Texan accent (I wanted to make sure they'd actually understand what I was saying, the better to become incensed) "Why sure America invented the English language! Everybody knows that! And then that group of folks we sent over to colonise that little island next to Europe liked the name so much they decided to just call themselves 'English', and the country 'England'! I can't say as I care for the way they go changing perfectly good American words though, and then insisting they're the ones who are right, though."

    I thought they might explode. And then I dropped the Texas accent and laughed my ass off with my other American friend who lives in NZ, and her British husband, "Man, and can you believe, there are people who think Americans are actually like that?"


  6. I'll concur with perlhaqr, having consorted with many Americans and Canadians in the Americas, Baltics, W. Europe, and Asia — the Americans are at most bemused if you accuse them of being Canadian. My rule has been, if in doubt, ask "where in Canada are you from", and I've never to my knowledge caused offense with this method.

  7. US football is a large part of our military youth training. We get squad level tactics fed to us via an innocuous game from an early age. Rugby is decent, soccer is so-so, but there's nothing like US football to teach attack and defense squad-level maneuvers.

  8. American rules football is a game for sissies that can't work for more than 30 seconds without requiring a committee meeting.

    You want a real sport, play ice hockey.

    Slug a guy? Go sit for 2 minutes.
    Take your glove off then slug a guy and he hits you back? 5 minutes.

    Slam into a guy at 25 miles an hour and blow him through a plate of tempered glass? Go lean on the boards while they fix the glass.

    Source: Former beer league goalie with more penalty minutes than is really proper.


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