Mike Williamson and his fans have some fun

Novelist Michael Z. Williamson and his fans have put together a great list of responses to an emergency.  Some of them are side-splitting.  A few examples:

A man is drowning 50 feet from shore.

  • A Green laments that the man will die and deserves it since he’s polluting the water.  Then the Green will demand the lake be off limits so further drownings don’t hurt aquatic animals.
  • The EPA will agree with the Greens and fine the man’s family, then declare the lake a wetland and refuse to allow removal of anything, including his remains.
  • A homeopath will grab a tube of the water, dilute it 1:10,000 and sell it as a cure for drowning.
  • Greenpeace will insist the man has “Water privilege” and he should be grateful to live in a nation where it’s possible to drown.
  • Eventually some decent person who will strip off, dive in and rescue the guy. Once ashore, they’ll find their wallet, watch, and cellphone stolen, and get arrested for indecent exposure.  Then the state will sue them for not being licensed for water rescue.
  • His Congressman will introduce “The Safe Parks and Ponds Act” which will cost $5 billion, result in three agencies writing five different safety standards that are resolved after 7 lawsuits reach the Federal courts, but the rider ban on home-farming of turnips will remain.
  • North Korea issues a statement condemning the drowning as a Capitalist propaganda ploy and claims that every year, a thousand thousand North Koreans drown far more skillfully.

There are many more at the link.  Enjoy!



  1. He missed one.

    A physicist will come up with a solution to save the man from drowning, but it only works on spherical cows in a vacuum.

  2. Or, because the water was too shallow for the Coast Guard, the Fire Department not certified in water rescue due to budget cuts, ("Well, if I was off duty, I would know what I would do, but I think you're asking me my on-duty response, and I would have to stay within our policies and procedures because that's what's required by our department to do,") the Police Department declining to try to rescue a suicidal man because he was suicidal and possibly violent, all three agencies would stand on the shore and watch a man drown himself.


  3. A-h-h-h-h-h-h…
    Life in a "Machiavellian" society.
    (Or, maybe, in a "Machiavellian" world.)

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