Teh stupid, it burns . . .

I’m still struggling to figure out what motivates someone to be this stupid.

Jemma Rogers, 30, a holistic therapist, from Lewisham, south-east London, set up a profile on the social network in 2008.

Wanting to avoid annoying friend requests from old friends and strangers, she created the profile under the pseudonym Jemmaroid Von Laalaa.

But last month she got a message from Facebook asking her to send identification to prove it was a genuine name and account.

Confused but worried she’d be locked out, Jemma admits she desperately tried to photoshop her bank cards to prove that was her real name.

One day later, Jemma’s account was suspended and she couldn’t get in.

She emailed Facebook explaining what she’d done and sent over her real ID – begging them to let her back in.

But she was told they could not confirm her identity and her account was suspended.

In a desperate bid to get the profile back, she changed her name by deed poll and is now officially Ms Von Laalaa.

What’s more, despite her extreme efforts, she’s still locked out of her account even after sending over her new ID to Facebook.

Jemma, who’s single, said: “”I know I’ve been a completely moron, but Facebook are being ridiculous. I’ve been locked out of my account for five weeks now and have lost all of my photos, messages and precious memories.

“So many people set up accounts in fake names so random people can’t add them or so they don’t have to awkwardly decline requests from people they know but don’t want to be ‘friends’ with.

“But Facebook have been over the top, they should be able to tell it’s a genuine account but just under a fake name, I can’t believe I am being punished like this.”

Poor Jemma has even had to order bank cards and a driving license with her new name on them.

. . .

She said: “I can’t believe I’m stuck with this stupid name and I still can’t get into my Facebook.”

There’s more at the link.

Where does one start?

  • If it’s a known condition of membership of Facebook that you use your real name, why get upset when they follow their own rules – unlike you – and ban you for using a false name?
  • If you want to “avoid friend requests from old friends and strangers”, why not reject – or simply fail to respond to – the invitation, instead of lying about who you are?
  • If all of your “photos, messages and precious memories” are associated with a lie, they can’t be all that precious, can they?
  • If you’re dumb enough to change your name, legally and officially, just to regain access to an online fake persona, then the silliness of your new name might just be appropriate in your case.

Remind me never, ever to engage Ms. von Laalaa’s services as a “holistic therapist”.  With so much stupid in the air, I might never recover!



  1. While this particular story is an extremely srupid example, anonymity is a key component to free speech, and is especially needed in today's politically correct society.
    The opinions expressed by people on social media can get them fir3d, ostracized, or even prosecuted. Our own founding fathers used pseudonyms because of the fear of prosecution.

    Of course, changing your name to your pseudonym is the stupid part here.

  2. @Divemedic: Oh, I agree. That's one of the reasons why I don't do Facebook at all. Its terms of service take away one's privacy. Nevertheless, if one signs on to such terms, one's supposed to adhere to them rather than try to evade them, then moan about it when one's caught.

  3. "Jemmy, who's single, said: 'I know I've been a completely [sic] moron,'"

    Awww, sweetie… You lost me at "holistic".

  4. I signed up for Facebook many years ago and then wanted to extricate myself six months later (yes, I lasted that long!). I could not get them to erase my name and/or remove me completely. Their excuse was that I might want to come back some day. No, I didn't, but four? years ago Facebook went public with the names of everyone of their members, including those of ours that had left! Clever. Whenever I want to see something and find out it's on Facebook, at which time I have to sign in again, I pass over it. I will never knowingly sign in to Facebook again. Never. It is one big bucket of slime masquerading as social media.

  5. FascistBook definitely needs to make their terms and conditions more customer friendly. They have no legitimate reason to require real, official names. I never put my real name on the internet except for work, in which case I have no choice.

  6. Remind ME never to use Facebook again. I'd have cancelled my account already but it doesn't seem to take. Maybe I should start posting pictures of Sarah Palin with guns or something. Confederate flags?

  7. I'm with Joe Allen here.

    I'm going to open up a shop as a holistic auto mechanic. "Your engine is running rough because its oxygen sensor chakra is interfering with the injector pump's chi. I recommend a full on sage smoking ceremony, and prescribe this bottle of gasoline essence diluted in water. That'll be $407, please."

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